IPG was created with the express purpose of providing psychotherapy to gays and lesbians. The personal and professional experiences of Dr. Margaret Nichols, our founder, had shown her how difficult it was for gays and lesbians to find compassionate, accepting and knowledgeable mental health care. She had seen gay people harmed by the ignorance, misinformation, and judgmental attitudes mental health professionals had about sexual minorities. Over the years our mission has broadened to include providing quality services to all stigmatized sex and gender minorities, such as bisexuals, transgendered people, and members of the BDSM/kink/fetish and polyamory communities. Click to read more about:
Our Perspective Vs. Mainstream Beliefs
At IPG you will be accepted, understood, and appreciated, whatever your sexual preference. Science shows us that "normal" human sexuality is broad and diverse; only behavior that is clearly harmful or nonconsensual (including sex with minors) is "pathological." Variety is the rule, not the exception: people vary in the gender of the people to whom they are attracted (sexual orientation); in the level of their sex drives; in their needs for soft, gentle sex versus rough, intense sex; and in the sexual behaviors and fantasies that they find arousing. Sex is not a simple drive or bodily function; it is emotional, spiritual, and psychological, full of complex feelings and images that serve a multitude of needs and desires. In our view, pathologizing sex diminishes its grandeur and the awe-inspiring nature of its force. At IPG we are reluctant to make judgments about sexual behavior; that is why we reject only sexuality that is coercive and ruthlessly aggressive towards oneself or others: any non-consensual sex, not only rape but also sex with minors or with those who for a variety of reasons are not capable of genuine consent; and very clear life-threatening behavior, such as risky sexual behavior engaged in while "stoned" or drunk or risky sexual acts performed without appropriate safeguards and experience. In practical terms that means: If your sexual behavior doesn't have a substantial risk of putting someone in the hospital, and if both partners are legal adults, have genuinely given "informed consent," and are in control of their own actions.... it's okay. And we not only accept it; we applaud your courage in exploring your true self. At IPG, we will accept you and your sexuality; we will not treat you as sick. As part of the "queer" community, our therapists understand your lifestyle on both personal and professional levels. Moreover, we advocate for you: Dr. Nichols and other IPG staff have been vocal in both the G/L/B/T and professional mental health communities to educate others about the reality of all alternative sex and gender lifestyles.
Mainstream Beliefs: Psychotherapy Can Be Dangerous To Your Well-Being
Over the years, society has become much more accepting of gays, lesbians, and bisexuals, as more and more "come out" publicly and organize to get fair treatment in matters like housing, employment, and child-rearing. More recently, mainstream attitudes towards transsexuals have begun to shift slightly, and some states include them as a "protected minority" in anti-discrimination laws. In the mental health field, a gay, lesbian, or bisexual orientation is not in itself considered a sign of mental illness-homosexuality has been removed from the list of psychiatric diseases - and even at a graduate school level, psychotherapists are taught to be accepting, if not necessarily well informed, about all sexual orientations. Similarly transsexuality/transvestitism and their transgender variations are now frequently considered to be inborn and most therapists would not attempt to "cure" a transgendered person of their gender-related feelings.
But neither society at large nor the mental health field has begun to accept S/M or polyamory. In fact, sadism, masochism, and fetishism are all diagnosable diseases. considered "paraphilias," a form of disordered sexual desire. and polyamory is usually branded "sex addiction." Our beliefs are radically different.
There is not a shred of scientific proof that being a sadist or masochist, dominant or submissive, fetishist, or having loving sexual relationships with more than one person, makes you sick or is evidence of illness. Yet counselors and psychotherapists in general are taught the "illness" theory in graduate school and maintain that perspective throughout their practice. There are no laws protecting kinky or polyamorous people from discrimination. Last year the National Coalition for Sexual Freedom received over nine hundred calls from people whose custody of their children was threatened or who had been arrested on "domestic violence" charges because of s/m practices. Unfortunately it is frequently a mental health professional that is called upon to testify in domestic violence and divorce/child custody proceedings. This makes the "illness" status of s/m practices of very practical significance. Your mental health records may be subpoenaed, and your own therapist may be called upon to testify against you. You are literally unsafe if you see a mainstream psychotherapist. At IPG, we will do everything we can to protect you. We will not give you a stigmatizing diagnosis, because we do not believe the practice of kinky sex is an illness, and because we believe we have a responsibility to keep our clients safe.
Our Experience And The Clients We Serve
In 1983 IPG was founded with the purpose of providing services to the gay and lesbian community. Our understanding of sexual minorities has broadened over the years to include those involved in BDSM, polyamory, and transvestitism, and IPG's mission has evolved as well. Under the leadership of IPG's founder, Dr. Margaret Nichols, our therapists have developed expertise in helping those who live within the broad range of sexual/gender/relationship lifestyles. (link to margie's bio) Dr. Nichols and other IPG staff have themselves lived and practiced within the community of "sexual outlaws." In fact, she has a child born and raised with another woman, publicly identifies as bisexual, was an early member of the LSM (Lesbian Sex Mafia, an organization for lesbian and bisexual women interested in "politically incorrect sex."), and continues to hold memberships in TES, LSM, and the National Coalition for Sexual Freedom, among other community organizations. IPG staff and adjunct staff include lesbian, gay, bisexual, heterosexual, and transgendered counselors as well as those with experience in the kink and polyamory communities. Dr. Nichols and other IPG staff members are frequently called upon to train mainstream professionals in these areas, and have published numerous professional articles about "queer" sexuality (including BDSM, fetish, polyamory communities, and G/L/B/T). Currently IPG advocates for the removal of consensual sexual fetishes from the list of mental diseases, and publicly lobbies mental health professionals to this end. (Publications)
We are right at home working with members of the BDSM/leather/fetish community and those who develop polyamorous relationships, families, and communities. Our experience has taught us that these categories are fluid and that gender identity, sexual orientation, and sexual lifestyle intersect. We are experienced working with transgendered bisexuals, for example, or polyamorous members of the BDSM scene. We also work with those who feel their sexuality has gone out of control, such as sex addicts and love junkies.
IPG therapists know that, like all people, you want to talk about what you are experiencing: depression, anxiety, relationship problems, or family stuff. We will not assume that your sexuality is any more of a problem in your life then we would if you were into traditional sexual behaviors, but we have the experience to help you when it is. We can't promise you that your therapist will have a collection of floggers or three spouses, but they will be knowledgeable about your lifestyle.
BDSM
BDSM, variously called bondage and discipline, dominance/submission, sadism/masochism, "leather", "kink", and fetishism, includes a variety of so-called "nonstandard" sexual attractions and behaviors. These include attraction to body parts or objects or materials: while mainstream culture fetishizes, for example, breasts and lacy black negligee, kinky people often have similar interest in leather, rubber, or feet. Other forms of BDSM involve sexual practices that play with power dynamics between partners, unusual forms of stimulation such as "pain" (think: hickie, or biting at the height of sexual passion) or constraint or sensory deprivation, or "dark" emotions such as fear, anxiety, and anger played in a theater of eroticism. Some have called BDSM "the LSD of sex", or "sexual skydiving." Participants in this "scene" tend to have in common an adventurous attitude and a high sex drive! There is wide variety within this community: some people merely incorporate some kinky practices into a private sexual life as a couple, while others live a total BDSM lifestyle.
Recently a few voices within the mainstream sexology profession have begun not only to educate colleagues to "normalize" BDSM and fetish practices, but to also point out some of the striking sexually intelligent practices within this community, for example, the tremendous communication skills and the use of BDSM "scenes" for psychological healing.
Because BDSM is so misunderstood, people often experience shame and self-hatred before coming out. Secrecy about ones sexual desires can lead to problems with spouses and difficulty connecting with their community for fear of being "found out." Those "out and proud" face other issues: how to prevent relationship issues from "bleeding thru" into the bedroom, and vice versa, how to prevent sexual roles and dynamics from bleeding thru into the relationship. Other issues include learning how to negotiate sometimes widely varying likes and dislikes, and deciding whether and how to integrate play with others. These are issues an experienced and knowledgeable therapist can help you to sort out, before they cause difficulties in your relationships.
Polyamory: Sexualove
Although our culture perpetuates the myth that only dyadic, committed, monogamous relationships are "normal", and "healthy", the truth is that the human animal is not necessarily wired well for monogamy. There have always been people who recognized the truth that you can love more than one person at the same time. In the United States this first reached a large, public "movement" in the sexual liberation movement of the sixties and seventies. "Open Marriages," "swinging," and some communes were early experiments in what is now called the polyamory movement. Polyamory includes many variations on one theme: It is possible for people to have open, ethical sexual/loving relationships with two or more partners. Like other nonstandard forms of sexuality, people often feel shame about their own needs, and often they feel their only choices are monogamy or "cheating." You may have the desire for polyamorous relationships, but need help deciding whether it is right for you. We can help you consider the practical and emotional consequences, and the benefits of developing a polyamorous relationship. If you have a spouse, these decisions can be even more complicated, but we have experience, both personal and professional, that can guide you. In dealing with a spouse or partner, there are many emotional issues to consider, and in the event of a divorce, there are legal issues as well. We can help you develop "rules" for your relationship. If you have a primary relationship, you will need to negotiate the degree of commitment you will have with others, and how much intimacy you are comfortable with. You and your partner may have different desires, and relationship counseling might help to resolve your conflicting wants. We also provide relationship counseling with more than two people. But again, you may be involved in a polyamorous relationship, and simply want a safe and accepting environment where you can NOT talk about your relationship, and instead deal with any other issues you may be facing, like depression or anxiety. And unlike most mainstream mental health professionals, we will never use a stigmatizing diagnosis, because we do not believe that polyamory is an illness, and because we want to protect you in the event that your mental health records might be used against you, such as in a divorce or child custody case.
