Welcome to the premier edition of "Growing," the newsletter of the Institute for Personal Growth/IPG Counseling.  We hope you enjoy it and will pass it along to friends and colleagues.  Please mail us  feedback and comments, suggestions for future articles, and/or first person  contributions. And, we're starting an "Advice" column, so feel free to ask for an 'expert' opinion about an issue or problem in your life - just make it clear that your question is for newsletter publication, we'll keep your identity confidential.

Peace and love,
Margie Nichols Ph.D., Editor

Click HERE for Growing Diversity, our newsletter for sexual minorities.

• FEATURE STORIES... The epidemic of sexless relationships; A new model of obesity
• TRULY INSANE: News of the Psychologically Absurd... The placebo effect is urban legend; Fat and chocolate are good for you; and other silly news
• FREE ASSOCIATIONS: Editorial Comments... Why everyone should fear Rick Santorum
• IPG NEWS BRIEFS... IPG celebrates 20 years; TG group celebrates one year anniversary; Cuban Sexology Conference

Whether this phenomenon is new or merely newly publicized, it is very much in the public eye at the moment.  Talk shows have buzzed about it, the book The Sex Starved Marriage is number three on Amazon.com bestseller's list, and Wall Street Journal writer Sue Shellenbarger says her recent column on the topic provoked an overwhelming torrent of mail from readers.

The acronym reflects some unsettling statistics.  Surveys of sexual behavior indicate that the average American couple has sex a few times a month or less.  More striking, a substantial minority have sex less than once a month - and fully 1/3 of women and 1/6 of men say they have no interest whatsoever in sex.

What produces this sexual wasteland? Of course one culprit is lack of time - working parents rarely have time to relax, much less devote energy and attention to keeping passion alive.  But even when one parent stays home with the kids the situation doesn't get much better, prompting another acronym, SINS - Single Income No Sex - to describe more traditional arrangements that still fall short on physical relating.

Some sexless relationships are troubled relationships, to be sure.  But even loving and happy couples often have barren sex lives.  In part this is because we suffer from some myths and misconceptions that cripple our sexual functioning (see my paper on this subject, Sex 101 for Couples: Good News, Bad News).  In part it is a function of aging, and more frequent sexual problems in middle age.  For example, 50% of men over 40 will suffer from erectile dysfunction at some point, and large numbers of perimenopausal women lose libido when their hormones start to fluctuate.  And to some extent couples' sex lives die because of narrow sexual repertoires - in other words, sex gets boring when you're doing the same thing over and over again.

Whatever the reasons, the good news is that DINS - or SINS - is 'curable.'  The most important factor is giving up the myth that sex should be 'spontaneous' and prioritizing time for intimacy just as you would schedule time for socializing with friends or going to the gym.  It's also important to  to view having sex as a conscious decision, especially for women, who may not experience a physical 'urge' for sex but can find they enjoy it once in the act.  Communication is important, naturally, and even couples who talk freely to each other about everything else can get stuck when it comes to sex.  And, the sexual repertoire has to be expanded and varied; sexual boredom leads to sexual death.

If sex is becoming a distant memory in your relationships, try following the advice in Sex 101 for Couples or in books like Michele Weiner-Davis' The Sex Starved Marriage or David Schnarch's Resurrecting Sex.  But if you can't do it on your own, don't give up. Get help from qualified professionals with training in sex therapy.  At IPG, for example, we're so accustomed to this problem that in many cases we can help you revive your sex life with a few sessions of brief, solution focused counseling.  For couples with motivation and the willingness to make sexual intimacy a priority, DINS can be something that happens - to other people's relationships.

MORE EVIDENCE IN THE BATTLE AGAINST SIZE DISCRIMINATION
It can be argued that the most acceptable form of prejudice that exists today is that against fat people.  We joke about weight, make fun of large size folk, and generally view weight as symptomatic of self-indulgence, laziness, and lack of self-discipline.

But experts in the eating disorders field are developing another paradigm, one that is increasingly supported by biochemical evidence.  Most scientists who study obesity believe that humans are designed to get fat, because our ancestors had to build up reserves in the body to cope with periods of famine and starvation.  In modern industrialized nations, starvation no longer occurs - and so we never lose the reserves of fat our bodies want to store naturally.

Moreover,  as our knowledge of the biological mechanisms that underlie appetite grows, it seems clear that some people are destined genetically and/or from childhood to be extra large, and others have disordered metabolism that may actually have been worsened by constant dieting and regaining of weight.  "People can't stop eating any more than they're able to stop having sex or grabbing money or anything else." Says Dr. Stephen Bloom, an obesity researcher at Hammersmith Hospital in London.  Rather than just telling heavy people to resist eating too much, researchers like Bloom hope to discover the underlying mechanisms that control hunger and satiation in attempts to develop medication to address the weight issues of extremely obese individuals.  A spate of  hormones and other molecules manufactured naturally by the body that control eating behavior have been discovered in recent years: ghrelin, a powerful appetite stimulant made in the stomach; PYY, a molecule that switches off the urge to eat in the brain; leptin, a chemical made by fat cells that, when absent, signals the brain to trigger overeating; and neuropeptide Y, a protein that regulates metabolic rate and fat formation.

The most important point that emerges from this growing body of data is:  heavy people didn't get that way by being lazy or over-indulgent - and they won't lose weight by being chastised and shamed.  The new paradigm for weight takes the emphasis off dieting, which fails more than 95% of the time anyway.  Instead, it emphasizes size and body acceptance - our bodies come in all sizes and shapes, and all are beautiful in their own way (think 'Botticelli').  And, since some health problems previously attributable to weight may actually have more to do with poor nutrition and lack of exercise, the new way of thinking encourages fitness and healthy eating. Now, finally, large size people may get the validation and support they need so much - and an end to size discrimination.
(some information and quote from NY Times, November 26, 2002, pp. F1 and 4)

As Wavy Gravy once said, "If you don't have a sense of humor, the world situation just isn't funny anymore."  This has been a great year for guffaws in the social science/behavioral medicine field.  It started when we found out that The Placebo Effect Is an Urban Legend.  For decades we've believed that sugar pills had some mysterious power, presumably conferred by our mind, to heal all kinds of maladies about one third of the time it's given to unsuspecting subjects.  Now, as reported in The New England Journal of Medicine  it turns out that the whole thing got started in the Fifties from one small, shoddily done study that doesn't hold up under scrutiny, and just got repeated so often it became "fact."

Throughout the year there has been news vindicating people who ignore health care warnings.  We've been inundated with news about how Dr. Atkins was right, Fat Is Good for You, after three decades of being told to banish fat from our diets (e.g.NY Times, May 2003.)   In addition, the American Dietetic Association reported in February that Chocolate Is Good For Your Heart, especially dark chocolate- cocoa contains nutrients associated with decreased risk of cardiovascular disease.  Last but not least, Sunlight Prevents Cancer, according to the NY Times, August 2002.   Evidence mounts that sunlight, probably through the mechanism of manufacture of Vitamin D, combats breast, colon, ovarian and prostate cancer.

We also got help in understanding U.S. foreign policy.  Scientists Have Concluded that Politicians Lie, reported Reuters on May 7, 2003.  A political scientist at Britain's University of Strathclyde says based on his research he feels that lying is an important part of politics in a modern democracy. "Politicians need to be more honest about lying," said Dr. Glen Neweg in an impressive display of doublespeak.  Neweg maintains that people both expect and have a 'right to be lied to' in certain situations like war.  Rumors that Neweg is an aide to President Bush have not yet been confirmed.

Two other items stand out for their irony.  May 29 NY Times had a front-page report that Video Game Killing Builds Visual Skills.   University of Rochester neuroscientists discovered that experienced players of first person killer games have 30-50% better visual attention skills than non players - abilities helpful in tasks as diverse as flying, driving, radiology and airport screening.  Expect to see 'Grand Theft Auto' assigned as a study aid soon.

And finally, the prominent Christian conservative psychologist Paul Cameron told Rolling Stone magazine a few months ago that society needs to repress gay sex because "Marital sex tends toward the boring.  Generally, it doesn't deliver the kind of sheer sexual pleasure that homosexual sex does." Cameron fears gay sex might replace heterosexual sex for this reason. He says: "Homosexuality seems too powerful to resist."  Perhaps Oprah should promote this as a cure for DINS?

WHY HETEROSEXUALS SHOULD FEAR RICK SANTORUM
On May 22 the Associated Press reported that Sen. Rick Santorum's recent remarks - you remember, the ones comparing homosexuality to incest? - haven't cost him political support in his home state of Pennsylvania.  Sen. Santorum still has a 55% approval rating, in case some of you thought the battle for gay rights had been won.

But it is naive to consider Santorum's remarks merely a 'gay rights issue,' or to think that he is alone in the way he thinks.   In Santorum's own words:  "If the Supreme Court says that you have the right to consensual sex within your home, then you have the right to bigamy, you have the right to polygamy, you have the right to incest, you have the right to adultery."  By including adultery in his litany of sexual horrors Santorum has made it clear he'd be willing to extend current legislation - which does criminalize bigamy, polygamy, and incest - to other sexual behaviors he defines as 'immoral.'

Of course this is already true in many places in the U.S.  Fourteen states still have sodomy laws, and in ten of those states the law defines 'sodomy' as oral or anal sex - and applies to heterosexuals as well as to homosexuals.  There are other signs of increasing limitations upon sexual freedom and the right to privacy.  NPR reports that more states are considering restrictions upon abortion this year than in the past decade.  AIDS funding in Africa has been made contingent upon abstinence only prevention messages.  In the U.S., there is more than 100 million in funds for abstinence only sex education - and not one dollar of Federal funding for comprehensive sex education that includes safe sex information.  This year a respected Kansas University professor was charged with obscenity for using sexually explicit materials in his classroom -for a course on human sexuality.  The National Coalition for Sexual Freedom reports that non-profit educational web sites for sexual minorities are shutting down for fear of prosecution under Ashcroft's Communications Decency Act.

Even masturbation is under the gun, and from the mental health field no less.  Vena Blanchard, clinical sexologist and sex therapist for over twenty years, comments:  "Lately clients have reported that therapists are telling them that their masturbation is wrong - that it's a sign of sex addiction and that cessation of masturbation is both a sign of and a prerequisite for 'recovery'."

The message is sounding surprisingly familiar, like a throwback to the 1950's and before.  Former Senator Bob Kerrey joked:  "Santorum?  Isn't that Latin for 'asshole'?"  Rick Santorum would be a joke - if his message weren't so indicative of the anti sex mood of the country.  If we don't pay attention and actively fight this trend - we all might awake some day to find the Sex Police in OUR bedrooms.

March, 2003, marks one year since IPG started the only Transgender Support and Psychotherapy Group in New Jersey. Ironically, although New Jersey is one of the most pro-trans states in terms of legislation and civil rights, up until last year people on the transgender continuum had to go to New York City to receive counseling or to communicate with their peers in the community. More...........

This month, IPG is 20 years old! Twenty years ago, Margie Nichols was in private practice for four years with a specialty in seeing gay and lesbian clients. After turning away many, many gay and lesbian clients from all over the state, who were desperate to talk to someone who didn't pathologize them and understood their point of view, Margie finally decided to start an institute to work with underserved minorities. She hired a male social worker and female psychologist to work with her to start the Institute. More..........

IPG Founder and Director, Margie Nichols,Ph.D., and Assistant Director, Debbie Williamson, R.N., attended the '16th World Congress of Sexology' held in Cuba from March 10-14, 2003 . Margie presented a paper entitled, "Clinical Issues Working with Clients in the BDSM Community." To learn more about IPG's involvement with the BDSM community, please click here........