(800)379-9220      (732)246-8439           Highland Park, Jersey City, Freehold           Margaret Nichols Ph.D., Director

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Issue 4 - February 2006

In This Issue:

ANOTHER VICTORY IN THE LOCAL STRUGGLE FOR GAY RIGHTS
Ocean County Freeholders Concede Benefits to Partner of Dying Lesbian Policewoman

In a stunning reversal, the Chosen Board of Freeholders of Ocean County has agreed to permit Lt. Laura Hester the right to leave her own pension to her domestic partner, Stacy Andree. Lt. Hester is suffering from cancer and is without doubt in the final stages of her life. She and her partner took advantage of the Domestic Partner law and became 'legal' partners soon after the law took effect. Lt. Hester has been a law enforcement officer with the Ocean County Prosecutor's office for 24 years. Upon learning the gravity of her illness, she naturally wanted her partner to inherit what she could give her, including her pension. The Domestic Partner statute mandates that New Jersey extend benefits to partners of State workers, but leaves it as an option for all other employers, including County and Municipal public workers. So Lt. Hester had to specifically request that the Ocean County Freeholders permit her to bequeath her pension, which she had earned protecting the citizens of Ocean County, to Stacy.

At first, the Freeholders appeared to simply ignore her requests. Meanwhile, her illness advanced. She made an appeal in public at the November Freeholder's meeting and was again told that they would not consider her request. One Freeholder actually said that the Domestic Partnership law "violated the sanctity of marriage." Fortunately, reporters were present and this was widely reported in the press.

This gross example of raw bigotry precipitated an enormous response from the GLBTIQ community. It drew statewide, national, and world wide condemnation. The December Freeholder meeting was packed with Lt. Hester's supporters. Speaker after speaker pleaded with the impassive freeholders on her behalf, including other police officers, her former supervisor in the prosecutor's office, and clergy and local residents. At the end, the Freeholders still refused, attempting to avoid responsibility for their decision and shift blame to the State legislature.

Over the next month, Freeholder Boards in six other counties passed resolutions granting their employees the right to share their pension benefits with their domestic partners. All of the major NJ newspapers published editorials critical of Ocean County and called upon them to change their minds.

The Freeholders met again in January 2006. Once again, the meeting was overflowing with Lt. Hester's supporters. Although by this time she was far too ill to attend, she sent a final filmed appeal to the Freeholders on a DVD which was played at the meeting. Despite this, the Freeholders continued to defend their refusal to help her. Many people openly talked of organizing a boycott and of working to defeat the bigoted Freeholders at the polls in the next election.

Then, two days after that meeting, the Freeholders reversed their decision and agreed to grant Lt. Hester's request. She and her partner were ecstatic. According to reports in the press, the Republican leadership in Ocean County interceded on Lt. Hester's behalf and convinced the all-Republican Ocean Freeholder Board to reconsider. It is a wonderful victory for a courageous couple who can now spend their final days together without the specter of financial difficulties looming over their heads – and a striking example of the power of organized protest.

GLBT & FRIENDS COMMUNITY LOSES TWO PIONEERING HEROES
IPG Recognizes the Contributions of the Recently Departed

Drew and life partner of thirty four years, David McWhirter, M.D., first broke new ground in the field of sex research with the publication of their book The Male Couple in 1984. As the first published study of gay male relationships, the book gained international attention and landed Drew and David on the Oprah Winfrey show and other TV and radio talk shows. "No one had done this research before," McWhirter said. "We became authorities on couples, invited to speak all over the world." The Male Couple is widely regarded as a seminal work that paved the way for "gay and lesbian studies" as a respectable field of interest.

After the book's publication, when AIDS had begun to ravage the gay community, Drew became an AIDS advocate, caregiver, and researcher in his community of San Diego. He and his partner wrote extensively on the effects of HIV on gay men, lesbians, and their families. Drew taught at the University of California at San Diego and founded the first federally funded research center dedicated solely to studying the effects of AIDS infection on the brain.

In 2000, Drew expanded his research to include medical marijuana and, more recently, "circuit parties," large gatherings at which risky behavior such as unsafe sex and drug use are suspected. The behavior at the parties, Dr. Mattison discovered, was not as high-risk as many thought. Drew became interested in intervention and was often hired by the producers of circuit parties to introduce harm-reduction techniques into the events themselves.

Some of us at IPG knew Drew personally. He was not only a brilliant researcher, writer, and gay activist, he was also a genuinely caring person, known for including minorities and women in AIDS programs and research at a time when most gay men restricted their interests to their own community – and for taking junior colleagues under his wing and making them feel welcome. Handsome and fun-loving, Drew was a wonderful human being as well as a respected leader, whose early death leaves us grieving even as we honor the legacy he left behind.

On January 17, 2006, Stanley Biber, M.D., succumbed to pneumonia at the age of 82.

Dr. Biber performed more transsexual surgeries – between 4,000 and 5,000 – than anyone else in the world. An unlikely radical, Dr. Biber began performing sex reassignment surgeries in 1969, long before most surgeons in the U.S. had ever seen a sex change operation, much less performed one.

Born in the Midwest, Biber settled in Trinidad, Colorado after a stint as an Army surgeon in order to establish a typical small-town family medical practice. In 1969, a friend came to his office asking if he would perform surgery on her. She explained she was transsexual. "What's that?" Biber asked. When he learned that his friend was a genetic man living as a woman, and what sex reassignment surgery was, he did not hesitate to perform the operation.

Word got around, and because at the time Biber was the only surgeon in the U.S. to do such surgeries, soon transsexuals flocked to Trinidad, making it the "sex-change capital of the world." Though Biber was sometimes the target of conservative groups, it did not deter him from what had become a mission. He won over enough of the townspeople of Trinidad that his work became an accepted part of life there, and he was able to continue his general medical practice along with his surgeries. Over the years, Biber trained younger surgeons in his technique, and in the last few years his practice has been taken over by a protégée, Dr. Marci Bowers, who herself transitioned several years ago.

"We turn out a good product," Dr. Biber told a newspaper in 2004. "I have one former patient, a man who became a woman and is now married to a gynecologist. Her husband doesn't know."

Biber was a rare individual; he took up a cause that was not his own, decades before it became even marginally socially acceptable, simply because it was right. Thanks, Stanley, we wish there were more like you.

IPG NEWS BRIEFS:
"All The News That's Queer Enough To Print"

Department Of Duh Research:   "Gaydar Exists," reports a researcher at Harvard. Yes, gay and lesbian men and women are better at predicting who is also a member of the tribe than straight people. They do it quickly, too, within two seconds of looking at neck-up photos and videos of people with no make-up or jewelry. This means many gays have succeeded at being invisible to heterosexuals but visible to each other; a pretty good survival strategy, points out William Lee Adams, author of the research.

HIV/AIDS And Circumcision:   A study published in the Public Library of Science Medicine reports that among South African men, circumcision significantly reduced the contraction of the AIDS virus. Men were randomly assigned to be circumcised; after 21 months, 20% of circumcised men had contracted AIDS while 49% of uncircumcised men had become infected. These findings, now being replicated in Kenya and Uganda, are expected to spark tremendous debate worldwide. Circumcision is condemned by many as an unnecessary and aesthetically displeasing procedure. But more importantly, if these findings are true circumcision could be viewed as a 'harm reduction' procedure, in conflict with condom-only or abstinence-only prevention programs.

Heterosexuals Pave The Way For Gay Sex In Canada:   Canada's Supreme Court recently ruled that clubs that cater to group sex do not breach decency standards, and thus are legal. The suit was brought by two 'swingers' clubs in Montreal. But this ruling is expected to affect all venues of group sex, thus making it easier for gay bath houses to exist, for example. The swingers' clubs had been charged with being 'bawdy houses,' the quaint Canadian legal term for a house of prostitution. So now public sex aficionados in Canada of all sexual orientations can be naughty without being bawdy.

Oral Sex, The New Contraception:   The National Campaign to Prevent Teen Pregnancy reports that 'just over half of teens aged 15 to 19 have had oral sex, and the percentage is higher in older teens.' Oral sex is now more common than sexual intercourse. Something here suggests that the 'abstinence-only' campaign is being interpreted creatively by a lot of adolescents.

Polyamory And BDSM Focuses Of Sexuality Professionals' Conferences:   AASECT, the American Association of Sex Educators, Counselors and Therapists, has decided to focus on BDSM at its Western Division conference and on polyamory and non-monogamous options in the G/L/B/T community at the national conference this year. In both cases, BDSM and poly/non-monogamy practitioners who are also sexuality/ mental health professionals are being engaged as trainers to educate Association members and other conference participants about these 'statistically atypical' lifestyles. AASECT is the largest and most influential organization of its type in the world – and now AASECT is leading the way for kink and poly-positive perspectives in the mental health field in general. Thanks, AASECT people – another reason we pay you our membership dues every year!

Duh, But At Least We Can Use It In Court:   Tufts University Professor of Pediatrics Ellen Perrin has done a review of all research on children raised by gay and lesbian parents and has concluded that "there's no good evidence that same-sex parents are any less fit than heterosexual parents," adding: "it isn't the sexual identity of the parents that matters; it's things like how well the parents get along, how integrated the kids are in school – the same social factors that matter to all kids." As a result of her meta-analysis The American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP), the established organization of pediatricians, now takes the position that there should be no barriers to gay-parent adoption and custody.

IPG STAFF EDITORIAL:
Before Jumping on that Bandwagon: A Queer Theory Critique of Same-Sex Marriage
Michael LaSala, Ph.D.

The fight for legally-recognized same-sex marriage dominates the contemporary gay rights movement and has ignited national debate. However, what is missing from the current discussion is a critical view of the institution of marriage.

Arguments for legal, same-sex marriage center on the many rights and privileges marriage bestows on heterosexuals but from which same-sex couples are excluded. These include but are not limited to being able to will one's assets (including social security benefits) without taxation, and being covered under a spouse's health insurance. Furthermore, in our culture, getting married is seen as the ultimate act of love and commitment. However, for heterosexuals, marriage has not been without its problems. Currently close to 50% of all marriages in the U.S. end in divorce. Feminists have long criticized marriage as a historically patriarchal institution that benefits men at the expense of women, and research consistently demonstrates that married women suffer more physical and mental health problems than their married male and single female counterparts.

Queer theory provides a critical perspective that is relevant to the current same-sex marriage movement. Queer theorists such as Eric Rofes and Michael Warner argue that marriage is meant to regulate and legitimize certain relationships and sexual behaviors while stigmatizing and marginalizing others. In exchange for restricting one's sexuality to monogamous heterosexual marriage (or appearing to do so), society rewards certain privileges (tax benefits, etc). Conversely single heterosexuals, unwed mothers, gays, lesbians, polyamorous persons, practitioners of kink and others are penalized and marginalized. According to Warner, monogamous heterosexual marriage is impossible to maintain. Leaders in politics, religion, and medicine sustain social control by imposing the norm of heterosexual monogamy and publicly condemning and shaming people when they inevitably fail to adhere to it. The early gay rights movement emphasized the importance of the pursuit of sexual pleasure and challenged institutions like marriage as restrictive and oppressive. It is reasonable to wonder if legal same-sex marriage will lead to the same imposition of unrealistic, restrictive norms for lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender (LGBT) people and the stigmatization of those who do not abide them.

Benefits such as affordable health care and the right to leave assets to whomever one chooses should not be linked to one's willingness or ability to commit to a long-term, legally-sanctioned relationship. Instead of fighting for same-sex marriage, LGBT activists must advocate for freedom of sexual expression as well as economic and legal equity for all, regardless of marital status and sexual orientation.

Michael C. LaSala, Ph.D., LCSW, is an associate professor at the School of Social Work, Rutgers University (mlasala@rci.rutgers.edu). He has practiced clinical social work for 20 years and currently works with LGBT clients at IPG in the Highland Park office.

BOOKS TO WATCH:
Without Condoms by Michael Shernoff, C.S.W.

Michael Shernoff, C.S.W., Manhattan psychotherapist and long-time friend and colleague of IPG, has published a book called Without Condoms: Unprotected Sex, Gay Men and Barebacking that is sure to be controversial. Shernoff himself has been HIV-positive for over twenty-five years and was one of the creators of GMHC's highly successful AIDS prevention programs for gay men. Considering this, his views on 'barebacking,' the practice of anal sex without a condom and the subject of the book, may seem surprising. The Advocate interviewed Shernoff and published the interview in its January 31st issue; for a more elaborate description of the book, read the Advocate piece.

First, Shernoff is not judgmental about men who bareback. In fact, he advises against the 'sex-negative' approach that is often conveyed by those who condemn barebacking. Calling 'sex-negativity' an 'antipleasure' stance, he says that this viewpoint "doesn't recognize that for some men, sex without a condom fulfills a variety of deep important needs, some of which are actually spiritual."

And Shernoff vigorously disagrees with the notion that barebackers are all young men who never saw the worst of the AIDS epidemic. He says research shows that the majority of gay men do not always use condoms, for reasons ranging from trust to desire to intimacy as well as pleasure. And he maintains that most of these men are not looking to infect or be infected and thus are amenable to modifications of barebacking without giving it up entirely.

This approach to potentially destructive/self-destructive behavior is called 'harm reduction.' Harm reduction approaches, now present in the addiction field, were first developed in the 80's as AIDS prevention techniques. Needle-exchange programs, for example, are 'harm reduction' approaches that do not preach abstinence from drugs. Critics argue that harm reduction actually encourages self-destructive behavior. Barebacking is one of the most emotionally charged issues to come along in the gay male community in a long time. Michael Shernoff, always ahead of his time in his thinking, can expect to be at the center of a lively controversy as a result of his fascinating and eminently readable book.

IPG STAFF EDITORIAL:
Bisexuality Impugned: C'Mon, Folks, It's Not That Tough a Concept
Margaret Nichols, Ph.D.

What do Julius Caesar, Sappho, Socrates, Joan Baez, Janis Joplin, and Kurt Cobain have in common?

They all had both male and female lovers.

And yet in 2006 there are still people who believe bisexuality doesn't exist.

A blow was struck to bisexuals everywhere in 2005 when the New York Times irresponsibly and uncritically published the results of a tiny, flawed study from sex researchers at Northwestern University purporting to show that bisexual men really WERE gay men avoiding the stigma of the homosexual label. This strengthens the belief held by the majority of the gay and lesbian community, who think that bisexuality is likely to be a phase or way of denying one's 'true' gay identity.

As someone who incurred the wrath of the lesbian community when I 'came out' as bi, effectively 'changing' from lesbian to bisexual, I find this disbelief fascinating.

For one thing, what does the denial of bisexuality suggest about the behavior of, say, the people mentioned in the first paragraph? For those who have had both male and female partners, the disbelief in bisexuality implies that at least one of their relationships were somehow 'phony'... a tremendously insulting stance, I feel. Joan and Janis, rest her tortured soul, might not agree that their relationship was meaningless or fraudulent.

Loads of books have been written on 'biphobia' and I don't intend to rant here about it, but I do think some facts are warranted and so is some logic.

First, many people have an overly narrow definition of bisexuality: if you define it as a constant, fixed, equal attraction to both genders, probably few people fit that definition.

But if you view bisexuality as the capacity to be sexually or romantically attracted to both genders, in varying ways and in various intensities over time, but often with a 'preference' for one or the other gender...

Well, that expands the universe of bisexuals very widely... maybe too much for some people's comfort. This definition of 'bisexual' it includes lots of people who currently label themselves heterosexual or gay, and it throws into question a lot of cherished beliefs, like the idea that there is no choice whatsoever in the gender of one's love object.

In fact, it confounds the very idea of 'gay identity.' Every survey of gay sexual behaviors done in the last century has shown that the majority of lesbians have had sex with men, and more recent surveys show that a significant percentage of self-identified lesbians report attractions to men. So what do you call a lesbian who has had sex with a man and also reports some heterosexual attractions if not a bisexual? The labels we use to self-identify do not necessarily reflect the 'total truth' about our sexual histories, feelings, and fantasies. The label 'bisexual' may be threatening because for some people, it would be a more accurate label than 'gay.' We all like to have coherent, logical narratives of our lives – we want our lives to 'make sense.' But sexuality may be an area where it is not possible to take a fairly simple model – a model of fixed, binary gender and sexual orientation – and apply it, one size fits all. And if that is true, some of us may have to 'figure out' our sexuality more than once. Most of us are still recovering from the effort of doing that the first time around.

Which may be why it is easier, as again many studies corroborate, for young people to define themselves as bisexual; their initial identity is one that incorporates fluidity and change as part of the model. Humans like stability, and we especially like our beliefs about ourselves to be stable. But bisexuality shows that in some cases, the price paid for some beliefs is denial of a part of one's true self.

I would like to address the grain of truth in the stereotype, however. If self-labeling isn't always an accurate descriptor of behavior and feelings, it is because the labels are imbued with intense social meaning. And, if you look at trends over the last three or four decades, or even longer, the social meaning of the label 'bisexual' has probably changed. It may very well be true that 'bisexual' used to be primarily a label embraced by gays trying to deny who they 'really' were. But since the 1970's, a true bisexual community has emerged, frequently from within the community of people who label themselves gay or lesbian. These people are not trying to exercise heterosexual privilege; they gave most of it up when they 'came out' as gay in the first place.

I was interviewed by a therapy journal about the Times-touted study of bisexual men. I said I'd like to see the study repeated with bisexual activist men, or for the research to incorporate some way of screening out self-labeled bisexual men with a lot of internalized homophobia. It is undoubtedly true that some people who self-label as bisexual are kidding themselves and need to come to terms with their homosexuality. But most of us are just trying to describe our own experiences in terms more complex than 'gay' or 'straight.' And that means we may not be gay, but we are certainly – queer.

Excerpts from My Journey Through 'The Gates'
By Stephanie Battaglino

I walked through "The Gates" today... albeit only a small portion of them, but I was moved more than I could ever have imagined.

..... I was stricken by the immense metaphor of my surroundings... The Gates... The Journey... My Journey. Must I pass through every gate to ultimately embrace that which I have always known myself to be? Are there rules for such things, or is this something you just feel? Could this be what I am feeling now? I quickly found a nearby bench so I could sit down and allow myself a few moments of composure to reflect upon the enormity of my epiphany.

If I truly accept the notion that it is my destiny to live my life as the woman that I believe God intended for me to be, am I prepared to deal with all that it changes in my life? For I have learned that being true to one's self—in my case my womanhood, not only effects me but also those around me—my son, my siblings, my friends, my colleagues, just to name a few. The simple fact of the matter is that when a transgendered person transitions, all of those people who are a part of his or her life are also being asked to transition as well. As you might imagine, it is difficult—in some cases next-to-impossible—for them to grasp the fact that the person who they have known for all these years will be fading away, never to be seen again. But is that really true? I owe a debt of gratitude to my former male self for helping me shape the woman I am today. I feel that there are many positive facets of my personality that have come from him—my wit, my sense of humor, my business acumen. It would be inappropriate of me to just blatantly toss them aside in my quest to become more female. Besides, women possess many of those same traits, don't they? .....

..... I lived the first 40+ years of my life as a man along with all the roles society places on men in our culture: husband, father, brother, manager, bread winner, alpha male. But it was all a charade, a finely orchestrated act, because I was too petrified to confront my innermost feelings—feelings that I experienced each and every day of my life that kept saying in a not-so-subtle way that I was different. It became a constant drumbeat in my brain, day after day and night after night. I tried to run from it, to bury it and lock it away in a continuous series of macho endeavors, and I became good at it — really good at it. Step right up and receive this year's lifetime achievement award for successfully pulling the wool over everyone's eyes. No one, and I mean no one, had a clue.

After all, this was what I was supposed to be doing at these various stages of my life anyway, right? This was what everyone was expecting of me. It didn't much matter if I felt like the proverbial square peg in a round hole, feeling like a woman deep down inside wasn't normal! So, I fought the good fight and kept up appearances because I didn't think I had much choice. But one can only do that for so long before it begins to take a psychological—and physical toll. I reached a point where that little Pandora's Box in the deepest, darkest recesses of my brain, the one where I had successfully compartmentalized my true self all those years, was about to fly open, never to be closed again.

Once it did I thought for sure I faced nothing less than total Armageddon... my life is over... everything is crumbling around me... there is no tomorrow. For a while I felt as if I was perched on the edge of an enormous cliff, so high that I could not see the canyon floor below. It is hard to put into words, but when one locks something away like that for so many years and further buries it with almost constant doses of shame, guilt and denial—and then lets the secret out — well, I think you get the idea. It calls to mind a lovely passage my therapist shared with me from Anais Nin:

And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud Was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.

..... I have reached a place where I thank God each and every night before I go to sleep for making me the unique person that I am. I consider myself immensely fortunate to have been given the gift of a life in two genders. I pray that those who may take issue with who and what I am will one day recognize that rather obvious and compelling fact: I am happy...

As I turned and found my way past the Tavern on the Green and headed out of the park to face my future, I made certain not to retrace my steps through any gate I had previously passed under. I will not go back from where I came. I will remember and not forget, but more importantly, I will learn... and grow.

(The full text of this essay will be published in an upcoming issue of Tapestry)